Wow, it has been a long time since I have posted anything. So
much life has happened over the last year and a half! There is a picture I
deeply want to paint of the journey God has brought us through, but as I have
typed and re-typed I realize words fail... at least mine :). So, I will just do my best
and pray God paints the picture for you.
I am beginning to discover
an amazing and powerful truth! A truth not just known in my mind, but rather a
truth that is changing the way I live. This truth is that God is always God no
matter what is going on around you, and your identity and value to Him are not to
be gauged by the way your life seems to be going. I know it sounds simple and we
all already know that, right? It is easily said, but I think as God helps us
live this truth out it can dramatically change the weight of life’s struggles
on our shoulders. Let me give you example from my own life and why I think this
truth holds such power.
This past year and half has been a bit of a challenge in the
area of my health. I have had some very odd medical issues that have had me in
the hospital several times and seeing many, many specialty doctors. I have not
felt all that well for more than a day or two for this whole season of life. I
have prayed over and over that the next doctor would have an answer for me,
only to be disappointed by another dead end and large medical bill. There have
been times where I felt deeply discouraged and left alone. However, what I
missed in the journey was that God was at work in all of the unanswered
questions, He was working while I felt abandoned. He was changing me; He was
drawing me closer to Him and doing an amazing work. God wasted not one moment of
the painful days or unmet expectations. What I was not aware of on the surface is
that deep down I gauged my identity and my security with God based on how life circumstances
were going. When a doctor didn’t have an answer for me the pain I felt was that
God was letting me down and not interested in my struggles. As God began to woo
me to trust him more fully I began to let go of my need for answers, I began to
simply press into Him no matter the result. We had a bit of a rest from some of
the medical woos until last week, and in this moment God revealed the fruit of
the work He was doing in my life…
It started with an opportunity for me and my wife to leave
for a few days without our kids. Jenny and I were so looking forward to a time
to get away and recharge! Prior to leaving things seemed to just be happening.
I lost my wallet right before leaving, my son got sick and threw up on me as we
dropped him off with friends on the way to the airport, had some work problems,
etc. In the midst of things building, Jen and I felt a strong sense that God
was saying that he was giving us an opportunity to trust him. Without going
into too much detail, the next few days were full of things going great and
things going opposite of what I would have hoped for, however we were engaging
in the opportunity to trust and God took each moment, good and ‘bad’ and showed
us His profound goodness. He gave us clear glimpses of where we have been and
where He has taken us. God brought us to moments of our wounded past and showed
how He has brought healing and restoration. He gave us clear and overwhelming
pictures of how he has filled in gaps and brought such blessing to our lives.
When we got home the opportunity to trust continued! We got
home Sunday evening. After heading off to bed I woke up to my throat swelling
shut, I woke my wife and she called 911 and off I went in another ambulance
ride for another expensive hospital stay… here we go again… but no this time it was different…
God in his goodness
brought me back to a painful place and gave me a chance to walk with Him in
trust. While trusting and knowing God was not absent, but actively at work for
my good, my eyes were fully open to the blessing of God in the middle of a
struggle. I came away realizing the gift God had given me. I no longer need to
fret about how things will turn out, I am confident that I am safe in His arms
and that he profoundly loves me. I fully know He is not wasting a moment! He is
bringing life from every hurt, pain, and struggle! As I was lying in the ambulance I can honestly
say I was more excited to see what God was going to do rather than feeling the
hurt of being alone, or the anger of being here again.
As we walk through times of pain and hurt I believe the
enemy of our souls thrives on these moments and starts speaking lies over us.
He wants us to be angry, to feel left alone and to turn to our own devices to
cope. However, when we have come to a place of belief that God is deeply for us
and when we feel most safe wrapped in His embrace, we shut the mouth of the devil
and strip him of his power, if every struggle, pain, and fear drives me to the
feet of my savior, where is the devils power?! It is no more; his voice is
powerless and defeated by the deafening truth that God is for you!
