It has been a long time since I have sat down to write! I haven’t had the energy to put my fingers to the keys, nor had the clarity to express what has been on my heart. These past weeks and months have been a time of darkness and doubt in my life. I have been faced head on with the question of whether I will trust God with my life. But how do I trust Him when my past and my experiences in this world are shouting to me that I will be let down?My faith and my reality seem to be at odds! If God has a plan and purpose for my life, why does everything seems to be failing? If the joy of the Lord is my strength, why am I so full of sadness? If He is my loving Father, why does he feel miles away in the midst of my pain? In the past, whenever I was confronted with these doubts, in an attempt to run from the pain, I would simply try to confess the ‘right’ answers to these questions. I would deny the doubt and stand on what I thought was faith. However, for the first time in my life I am allowing God to take me past the surface to the darkest parts of my life. Though this journey is one of pain, it is at this place I am beginning to truly see God. I am finding that His light is brighter than my deepest darkness and that he is neither afraid of nor offended by my doubts. I admit at times I want to leave this path and simply numb the pain. Yet, God in his infinite goodness is calling me to keep going, to honestly admit my doubts, face my fears, and confess all that dwells deep within my being. In this place of discovering who I really am I am actually discovering who He really is! Here I am finding the joy of knowing that though I am often unlovable, I am infinitely loved, that though I am covered in filth, I am eternally cleansed. I am discovering the bliss of being fully known and yet still fully loved, fully adored, and fully His.
This is the journey of the freedom of Christ! Christ has not only set us free from the punishment for our sin, he has also brought cleansing from its stain and healing from the pain of the sins committed against us. He will make us whole in spite of the brokenness of the world around us. When we honestly open our lives to him and allow him into the depth of our depravity, we will meet the God who heals us. We will find the confidence that comes from knowing we are fully known and still loved, cherished, and adored. We will find strength to walk in the healing of the cross of Christ and live in the fullness of joy that He died to give us…
