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In my last post I spoke of the time of darkness and pain I have been walking through. Although I must confess the journey continues and there are still moments of pain, for the most part I am simply overcome by the grace of God! He has opened my eyes to the purpose in my pain. I wrote the prayer below when I was 18 years old. Going into this season of trial I had no idea that it was the beginning of God answering this prayer from so many years ago:
“My heart feels so empty! It’s been broken to many times, parents that disappoint, friends that let you down. All my lost hopes and shattered dreams. I’ve built so many walls around my heart, walls that keep me from the joy and peace you died to give me and that keep me from your gentle and healing hands. So, Lord I give my heart to you, in your loving kindness tear down these walls. Though it may be painful I know your healing hand is at work, mending the broken pieces together with caring precision. With every thread your love becomes more real; with every piece you’re drawing me closer to you, until my heart beats with yours.”
God is at work! He is mending my brokenness. He is restoring me to the man He created me to be. In the midst of the pain, I feel hope dawning! I am confident that He who started this work is bringing it to completion. At times on this journey my flesh would scream for me to run from the pain! My instincts would tell me to protect myself and not to feel pain. Yet, God in His grace first started me on this path of healing by showing me more of Him. As the image of my creator gained clarity I found Him safer than the false shelters to which I used to run. He opened my eyes to the truth of who He is. Though I did not know how to trust Him, I began to believe Him trustworthy. As my heart dared to believe the truth of His grace, I began to find Him to be more than I had ever hoped.
Words fail to express the tenderness of God as He mends our wounds. When we began to know Him we find the courage to face our pain, and it is there we see its holy purpose. When we stop running from the hurt we will find the hand of God working for our highest good. In this place we discover a God who is so much more than we could have hoped for. We find Majesty Himself bending low to dress our wounds! We will find Him unashamed of our disease and skillfully working to remove our infection. Healing starts with knowing Him - this leads to knowing ourselves in relationship to him – which leads to the courage to face our brokenness and pain – this then allows us to find true healing and freedom! That is the journey I have been walking. Though I have felt much pain in this season, as I look back I can truly say this has been such a blessed time of my life! God is so trustworthy and good!!!
